“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10)
The thing about trauma, especially childhood trauma, is that it comes for you when you’re least expecting it. I've been processing some new information about my case and my emotions have run the gamut. Anger, sadness, hurt, guilt, missing my father, rage, fear.
Most victims, if not all of them, have similar experiences with this process. But one thing God has been teaching me over the last two years is that I am not in control.
I cannot control what my father does or does not do. I cannot go back in time and make him want to fight for his family or take accountability. I cannot fix his relationships for him. I cannot make him see how selfish, arrogant and wrong he was. But so much of my emotional roller coaster is coming from that desire.
Jesus Calling a few days ago said this, “Let go and recognize that I am God. This is my world. I made it and I control it.”
Oh, friend. These words were - and are - music to my soul.
I can release my dad into God’s hands because He knows the situation better than I do. Humans will be human and God allows space for that which, as we all know, can be quite frustrating at times.
Even still, God is God.
He knows what is happening over in my dad’s house. He knows where he goes for lunch and what he does for work. He knows the status of his relationships, how well he sleeps at night, and, most importantly, what goes on in his heart.
And for me, I will continue to forgive without restoration, even with my big emotions. I will continue to release the situation - and my emotions - to the Lord. Over and over again, letting Him renew the anger, guilt, and sadness with peace.
I can't help but wonder if you are experiencing a similar situation today; something that you’re heartbroken over and desperately trying to control. Maybe it's a prodigal child, an aging parent, a lost career, failing relationships, or something completely different.
What would it look like for you to let go of that today and remind yourself that God is God? What would it take to practice surrender in that area of your life? How many more moments need to be wasted in efforts to control before we realize that our ability to control anything is really just an illusion?
Let’s practice this surrender together I know it’s hard to pry that person or thing out of the tight grip of our meddling hearts, but, friend, I believe that God’s peace is better for us than the anxiety that comes with control.
Pivot Points for Reflection:
Write down the area of your life (or person in your life) that you try to control most.
Ask God to reveal all the ways He has already been faithful in this area.
Write down one or two promises from scripture that you can hold onto when trying to control. Reminders that God will fulfill His promises to you, and He will continue to be faithful in this area.