The past several weeks have been surprisingly hard for me, personally.
I have struggled through some personal reflection, evaluating my goals and redirecting my purpose for this next year. 2017 was wonderful to our family and I have absolutely no complaints. But as the year drew to a close and I started to think about the year to come, anxiety started to fill my soul.
It started out small, really, but then in the last week or so became a really big thing that threatened to paralyze my mission-minded goals.
Do you get that? Does anyone else struggle at the turn of the year?
It's as if the goodness of the year is in the back of my mind & all that I DID NOT accomplish came to the forefront. Everything I wanted to do and didn't ate away at me. The unresolved conflicts, the empty goals and the failed submissions. All of the things about myself that I didn't like bore down heavy in my mind and my heart.
I LOVE the New Year - a fresh start is healing, amen? But this year it hit me wrong. Instead of seeing the fresh start and all I want for the year ahead, I was seeing all that wasn't from the year behind, and let me tell you, that's not a fun place to be.
So I began praying and painting. Painting and praying.
I've been asking the Lord to cleanse my soul from negative thought patterns and then I handed all my failures and all of my dreams over to Him. I wish I could say it was an "aha" moment - that's what I've been waiting for. Longing for a magical turn in my heart where I say "DONE! I'm not dealing with this anymore!"
But that hasn't happened - nor do I think it will.
Instead it's going to be a daily turning over of my heart to the Lord, exchanging anxiety for peace, unworthiness for hope.
If you're stuck feeling like a bump on a log, for lack of a better description, as you make goals for the New Year, remember this from Lara Casey : there is nothing magical about January 1.
Every day is a good day for a fresh start, and thanks to Jesus, every moment we live in Him can hold new life.
Be encouraged this Tuedsay morning that dreams don't happen all at once and neither do failures. It's day in and day out work, surrender, prayer and more hard work.
Let today be your fresh start, and tomorrow be the next one. Here's to 2018 and hundreds of fresh starts, y'all.